AcmeShorts

It was the second time in as many months that Young Goodman Brown had been sent to the stocks for practicing Gestalt therapy. The Elders met to discuss this latest subversion of the paradigm and this inevitably led to them decontextualizing Young Goodman's wife, Young Goode Brown.

After the rape but before a low pressure system pushed up the coast and inland creating a horizontal net inflow of convergent winds, Young Goodman started to focus on the experiential present moment. After all, he rationalized, ass inches from the ground, wrists and ankles indicating the onset of edema, I can only understand my current present as it relates to the complex web of external presents.

This now-centered approach worked well enough until the town crier and the village idiot strolled by. They farted loudly and intentionally as they passed.

It was the pong that did him in.

Date Written: February 9, 2004
Author: Dylan Danko
Average Vote: 3.5556
Comments:
02/18/2004 Will Disney: Pong?
02/18/2004 anonymous: anglicism. which would lead us to blame this stench on danko.
02/18/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: or perhaps feldy, who's newly fond of anglicisms. especially in the jamie oliver tradition.
02/18/2004 Ewan Snow (3): Yes, this is clearly danko impersonating ewan.
02/18/2004 qualcomm: you are all idiots. it's scoop. clearly.
02/18/2004 anonymous: Pong is a really really bad smell
02/18/2004 Moe-Ron (4): obviously, its scoop. the third paragraph is wonderful and made me twitter. i love fart jokes. question to the author, pong=fug?
02/18/2004 Dylan Danko (4): 4 Stars for Pong! But this short really does suck.
02/18/2004 anonymous: Matza, you don't have to hide behind anon. Or are you doing it to spare my feelings.
02/18/2004 Mr. Pony (3): Yeah, and I get yelled at for "concatenate". The whole "pong" thing threw me off. Thought it was another time-travel short. That's what I get for spending too much time readin' funny-books.
02/18/2004 Jon Matza (4): Ah! It's nice to get some attention, but that wasn't me. Really. First off, I would've tried to come up w/something more colorful than 'stench'; second, I'm certain this isn't by Danko; third, I almost never hide behind anon (subtext: I have breathtaking integrity). Don't mind the short, either...enjoyed the jargon, lukewarm about the ending. Three and a half.
02/18/2004 anonymous: Okay, Feldspar, you self-righteous prick,I was just being cute because it's an anglicism. Pong is often used by the brits. The stench wasn't necessarily meant as a criticism, just a stupid pun. I'm flattered, though, that you thought my jibe Matza-esque. I'm not sure I'm worthy....
02/18/2004 Dylan Danko: Wow! The script is flipped.
02/18/2004 anonymous: yeah feldspar's a self-righteous prick!
02/18/2004 Dylan Danko: Why are you so certain Matza? Are you flattering me or dissing me?
02/18/2004 qualcomm: anon_a... this is the last time i respond to anonymous cunts.
02/18/2004 Jon Matza: You would have spelled second 'secound'.
02/18/2004 Dylan Danko: So true!
02/18/2004 anonymous: What about me, self-righteous prick?
02/18/2004 anonymous: Oh - Feldspar's afraid! Mulp!
02/18/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): Very well written but totally baffling.
02/19/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Mulp, indeed.
02/19/2004 anonymous: Mulp! Jimson agrees!
02/19/2004 Dylan Danko: Alright you two, take it somewhere else.
02/19/2004 Mr. Pony: Mulp?
02/19/2004 Ewan Snow: Feldspar, you hack. I called this one as a Danko short.
02/19/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Dammit! I did,too, but then I buckled under the pressure. And I didn't reveal my identity. But at least I was right about feldy being a self-righteous prick.
02/19/2004 anonymous (1): Total crap
02/19/2004 Dylan Danko: Hey everyone, there's a white boy in the room!
02/19/2004 qualcomm (4): i'm giving this a 4. i don't know why, but it's stuck in my experiential craw. as to jimson's claim of being right about my being a self-righteous prick, ok. but at least old feldy has the courage to insult people under his own name, you cowardly hooker.
02/19/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: um, didn't I just do that? It wasn't that I was being cowardly, I was just waiting for the right moment.
02/19/2004 qualcomm: you mean the moment after you were proven correct? otherwise you'd'a stayed hidden? coward.
02/19/2004 anonymous: Mulp! Feldspar's getting mean!
02/19/2004 qualcomm: (or, more accurately, after my prediction was proven wrong)
02/19/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Poor, poor feldy. If it makes it any better, I thought your guess was probably right. The second paragraph.... And no, I wouldn't necessarily have stayed hidden. I wasn't going to use anon, but then I figured you tear me a new asshole, and I've already got way too many....
02/19/2004 anonymous: Mulp! Feldy got upset!
02/19/2004 Ewan Snow: For the record, anon_b isn't me.
03/18/2004 scoop (5): Hey, this is a good one!
10/5/2004 John Slocum (5): Agreed, a good one. What was wrong with all of you back in february?
10/5/2004 John Slocum: Danko, write more shorts, you cunt.
10/5/2004 Dylan Danko: no
10/5/2004 TheBuyer: scared?
10/5/2004 Dylan Danko: totally
10/5/2004 TheBuyer: maybe some zoloft?
10/5/2004 John Slocum: Get therapy for that knee, then the shorts will flow. I know it sounds strange, but mark my words.
10/5/2004 Dylan Danko: Maybe I should go to your gook quack.
10/5/2004 Jon Matza: I still say Danko didn't write this.
10/5/2004 Dylan Danko: welcome back!