Ron: What's in the bag?
Tad: Anal, bro.
Ron: ???
Tad: Must be in the 60s today...
Ron: ...hang on, whadja mean 'anal'? I asked you what was in the bag.
Tad: I told you. Anal!
Ron: What are you talking about, 'anal'?
Tad: Anal, brother. Anal penetration.
Ron: But that's, like, a verb. An act.
Tad: This is no verb, brother. This is the real deal. And it's a knockout!
Ron: Let me see!
Tad: (holding bag away) Yeah, right.
Ron: Dude, please?
Tad: Why should I let you see it?
Ron: Why not?
Tad: 'Cause what's in it for me?
Ron: Come on, lemme see it!
Tad: OK, but you owe me one. Bigtime.
Ron: (taking bag, looking inside) Whoa...Holy shit!!!!
Tad: I told you it was critical, dude!
Ron: That's some serious fucking anal, bro!
Date Written: March 3, 2004 Author:Jon Matza Average Vote: 3.75
Comments:
03/9/2004Craig Lewis (3): Lesser Matza. The dialogue is pitch perfect; I love "critical," and the fact that Tad is named Tad. But it doesn't make magic for me. We all know that Matza can do this kind of schtick in his sleep.
03/9/2004Will Disney: I like the ??? in the dialog - that works.
03/9/2004anonymous: This doesn't dignify any further response than the below? Something I said? Everyone's incapacitated with laughter? Or is the subject matter simply too raw, too intense for you people?
03/9/2004anonymous: It was something you said.
03/9/2004Mr. Pony (4): Begging for votes? Wish I'd thought of that. It's too bad this short is funny, because otherwise my sarcastic comment would bear more sting.
03/9/2004Jon Matza: I'm tired of your hurtful jibes, anon_user_a...
I'm prepared to let you go/
If its love you want from me/
Then take it away/
Everything is not what you see/
It's over again/
Do you really want to hurt me?/
Do you really want to make me cry?
03/9/2004anonymous: Yes, please cry.
03/9/2004Jon Matza: I fall to pieces Each time I see you again/
I fall to pieces How can I be just your friend?/
You want me to act like we've never kissed/
You want me to forget/
Pretend we never met/
And I've tried and I've tried/
But I haven't yet/
You walk by and I fall to pieces
03/9/2004scoop (4): I thouhgt that was our special song Matza? How could you? Wait -- don't answer that. I hurt enough already...
03/9/2004Jon Matza: Scoop: it was our special song. But now there are other people hurting me the way you used to.
03/11/2004senator (4): I liked this one. The surprise in the bag reminded me of Pulp Fiction and Resevoir Dogs.
I'm prepared to let you go/ If its love you want from me/ Then take it away/ Everything is not what you see/ It's over again/ Do you really want to hurt me?/ Do you really want to make me cry?