AcmeShorts

Pete raised his hand. "Waiter, can we get another pitcher of water?" He was out to dinner with Alexandra. It was their first anniversary.

"Gosh, I really love you, Alexanda," he said.

Alexandra shrugged. "Um, okay, sure. Listen, Pete, I'm leaving you. I've met this new guy at the office with a king-sized dick and who likes giving oral. Also, he's got a very fancy car. Anyway, I've made up my mind."

"Oh no," Pete cried, his heart sinking into the pit of his belly, his dreams crashing down around him. It was true:

He *didn't* like giving oral.