AcmeShorts

Dude, you fucked up BIG TIME by not going to Shaun Belorus's party last weekend. You missed one of the ALL-TIME CLASSIC bashes. I do not exaggerate. It was INSANE, dude. Remember Jackie's beach party? It was like that, only with more brew and hotter girls. There were so many hot girls you couldn't move without getting sandwiched between like 20 pairs of tits. And check this out: several of the attendees were exchanging quips, tall-tales and other satircal remarks which resulted in hilarity aplenty amongst the onlookers! I shit you not, bro. So we kill the keg before midnight and Belorus sends a out posse to do a Paki run. They come back with six cases and a pony keg! We're like, "Ka-CHING? Score, much?" We were already cocked and by the end of it like 20 dudes must've puked. Then we give this one dude who passed out an atomic wedgie, he doesn't even realize what's going on! I was about to yak I was laughing so hard. So we start writing shit all over his face in magic marker, and then Paul Suskin sodomizes him while we stand around cracking up and jerking off. Everyone's like, "vintage Suskin!" They had a gravity bong in this one room, and like 20 bags of chips were open 'cause everyone had the munchies so bad. it was NASTY, dude. Then to top it all off, at one point this one scalawag - a true rogue - began to make witty conjectures and a great deal of laughter ensued as a consequence!
Date Written: March 29, 2004
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 4.1176
Comments:
04/1/2004 anonymous (4):
04/1/2004 Craig Lewis (4): Premium Matza.
04/1/2004 scoop (4): Vintage Suskin.
04/1/2004 Ewan Snow (3): I usually find this mode of Matza humor funny, but I've heard it too many times. There's just no surprise here for long time Matza fans.
04/1/2004 Dylan Danko (4): I have to agree with Ewan but i still laughed. Especially at "vintage Suskin!"
04/1/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (3):
04/1/2004 John Slocum (4): Snow: (serious request) point me to a matza short in this voice where something akin to guys stand around jerking off and laughing while another sodomizes a dude who passed out happens. Seems surprising to me.
04/1/2004 Mr. Pony (3): I know it should have been surprising and funny, but the ending...I feel like it let the air out of something, which is okay--but it was dancing.
04/1/2004 Ewan Snow: That's not a serious request, Slocum. You lied!
04/1/2004 John Slocum: Alright, Snow, ya got me
04/1/2004 catfish (4): Wow, vintage Matza. Love it.
04/1/2004 mr.coffee (3): DUDE, I was, like, totally laughing in the beginning and in the middle...But BRO, like, err, what the fuck happened at the end? I was totally thinking something rad would top it all off. Duuuude, I don't wanna be a dick or nothing, but the end was, like, a real bummer brah.
05/14/2004 TheBuyer (5): fuck it, that party was rad.
10/4/2004 Dylan Danko: I wish I could add a star to my old vote on this one. It's been cracking me up all day.
10/4/2004 Litcube (5): I'm new to Matzaish. So I laughed a lot.
11/1/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (5): I'm giving this a five. I don't understand how you could rate this less than four. The only chink in its armor was the slight telegraphing of the ending that the "And check this out" phrase committed.
11/1/2004 Litcube: I laughed again at this.
12/12/2004 The Rid (5): "A true rogue."
12/12/2004 John Slocum: This one is big in Canada!
12/12/2004 qualcomm (4): belorus
12/12/2004 TheBuyer: mulva? belarus
02/16/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: This short ruled, is all I have to say. Possibly the best short on the site. Definitely top five.
02/27/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: Upon rereading, I find that my previous comments still hold. I'm glad I'm so consistent.
03/3/2005 Phony Millions (5): Glad I found this one from the link! A classic.
03/4/2005 Pfineous (5): rr-rr-rrreeeemmmmeeeooooooowwwwwwwwwwww!! I might've lost a fang, but I can still laugh like crazy at the work of el otro padre de epifemio!