– Hi. Listen, I’m calling about that guy? Fitzy? The one you set me up with?
– Uh huh?
– Well, I went out with him last night?
– Yeah? Oh my God! How was it? Isn’t he fabulous?!
– Well, we went out to Chez Marcel?
– Oh my God, that’s where he took me too! That place is so delish!
– Then we went parking? At the lake?
– Oh my God, that’s where we went too! Isn’t he fabulous?
– We started kissing? Then he was like, touching me all over?
– Great!
– Then I was, like, uncomfortable? So I was like, ‘Fitzy, stop!’
– Oh my God, me too, that’s what I was like!
– And he wouldn’t stop! He tore off my panties and shoved them in my mouth, so like I couldn't yell? He raped me!
– Oh my God, me too! Isn't he fabulous?
Date Written: March 30, 2004 Author:qualcomm Average Vote: 3.8
Comments:
04/5/2004mr.coffee (5): Awesome...Makes "Sweet valley high" so very a-propos!
04/5/2004Ewan Snow (4): Good one.
04/5/2004Mr. Pony (4): Makes you wonder why Cindi ever let a catch like Fitzy go!
04/5/2004scoop (5): It looks like someone got an "uh-oh" touch!
04/5/2004Moe-Ron (4):
04/5/2004Cabot (3): Pony - this is true misogny! These chicks don't even have the athletic ability to play (women's) basketball. A little...I don't know...anticlimactic.
04/5/2004Mr. Pony: I agree, Cabot! These women totally suck! Are you angling for the bounty I've placed on the Lerpa's error? Because you're so close!
04/5/2004anonymous: i think it's really terrible what fitzy did to these women, and even worse, what society did by taking away their rights. namely, their right to choose to not enjoy being raped.
04/5/2004Cabot: Well, Knob Creek does sound tempting.
04/5/2004Benny Maniacs (3): I saw this one lumbering down the street from rather a long distance.
04/5/2004anonymous: i somehow doubt that.
04/5/2004Craig Lewis (3): I'm with Benny. Saw it coming, and it wasn't very funny when it arrived. Crummy punctuation, too.
04/5/2004Mr. Pony: Does the right to free speech and thought automatically disqualify and limit any criticisms of said speech and thought?
04/5/2004anonymous: yes.
04/5/2004mr.coffee: I'm with Author..How did you see it lumbering from a distance? It could've gone in any direction.
04/5/2004anonymous: Thaaaaat's stuuuupid, auuuthor!! I agreeeeee with Pooooony's point!! Heeee's verrry smaaaaart!!
04/5/2004anonymous: lewis, re punctuation, i hope you're not referring to my intentional over-question-markization, which is intended to reflect certain questiony speech patterns.
04/5/2004anonymous: but seriously pony, what the hell are you getting at?
04/5/2004scoop: I wanna change my vote to a 7.5 to compensate for all these ridiculous threes. Can I do that?!
04/5/2004anonymous: yes.
04/5/2004Mr. Pony: I like the punctuation. It's just more mechanical than grammatical.
04/5/2004Jon Matza (4): Punctutation can be extremely beautiful, like a poem, a songbird or a rainbow.
04/5/2004Mr. Pony: Okay, here's a question then, Matza--In your post, should there have been a comma between the words 'songbird' and 'or'?
04/5/2004anonymous: Not necessary, Pony. It's a matter of choice with the last two members of a list.
04/5/2004Mr. Pony: Yes, that's what I've heard, pointlessly anonymous anon_user_b. But doesn't the omission of the last comma (the one between the second-to-last item and the 'and' or 'or' preceding the final item) actually create some sort of link between the last two members of the list? Doesn't that comma mean something? I guess that's what I'm asking.
04/5/2004Cabot: In this case, I think it's just a preference. I think it links the two together if there were another item afterward. For instance: 'poem, cardinal or nightingale, or rainbow.' Then you have to insert that last comma for the sake of grammar. That was me earlier - trying to avoid the appearance of pedantry (as if it weren't already rampant here).
04/5/2004Mr. Pony: Ah. I don't think we even have a word for this "pedantic" thing you speak of. So in your example, cardinal and nightingale are interchangeable items in the list. The list, which is an OR system to begin with, has the additional option of subbing one bird for the other. Okay. I was trying to come up with an example of a simple list where a final comma usefully separated the final two items [i.e. spiders, crabs, and firearms] but was unable to think of any list where the distinction actually meant anything. Stupid words! Behave like Lego!
04/5/2004Cabot: Maybe that comes into play for clauses, not individual nouns. Although again, that would be for the sake of length, and maybe not clarity (the dog barking, the person yelling, and the vagrant mumbling, e.g.). Or maybe it is for the sake of distinction. I don't know.
04/5/2004Ferucio P. Chhretan: I agree with Pony. That "or" in the Matzaspeak is very un Lego. Why doesn't one write "poem or a songbird or a rainbow." Or "poem,songbird,or rainbow." Nothing seems to look correct when written, yet the least correct grammatically sounds the best when spoken out loud. What is the what with that?
04/6/2004Mr. Pony: Well, they mean different things. Unless they don't.
04/22/2004Dylan Danko (3): Missed this one but must agree with Benny and Lewis. Samuel Morse would be proud.
04/22/2004qualcomm: wait, i never did get a straight answer on this. danko, you actually foresaw the surprise that Cindi deliberately set Suzi up with a rapist because she (Cindi) liked being raped? at what point was that very specific ending obvious?
04/22/2004Dylan Danko: No. It was obvious that something like that would happen. Something bad that the idiot on the other end of the phone would consider great. When it turned out to be rape, I was like, wheeee! I much prefer this one of The Lerpa's rapist shorts though a point off for ripping off the broken teeth thing from this one.
04/22/2004?: i would like to be raped by the lerpa