AcmeShorts

"Congratulations, Mrs. Numan. Your baby is a healthy six pounds, three ounces."
"When can I see my baby, doctor? Please bring me my baby! I must see my baby!"
"Any moment now, Mrs. Numan. Nurse Silver is on her way down with the child."
"Oh, how wonderful...Gerald, did you hear that? The nurse is bringing our baby down...but you still haven't told me, Dr. Morris! Is our angel a darling little boy? Or a beautiful baby girl?"
"Well, uh...it's interesting that you should...that question's actually not as easy to-"
"What? What is it? What aren't you telling me? What's wrong? Gerald!"
"Now, honey-"
"It's nothing to worry about, Mrs. Numan, it's just-"
"What is it, Gerald? Oh my God! Please tell me now! For God's sake, what's wrong with our baby?"
"You don't understand dear, it's nothing to worry-"
"Nothing's wrong with your baby at all, Mrs. Numan! It's just that you have given birth to the Lurpa."
"W-w-w-what? NO! Is it true, Gerald? Not the Lerpa? We would never - that loathsome - how could--oh, my god - "
"Wait dear, please listen. What Dr. Morris is trying-"
"Mrs. Numan. Not the Lerpa, Mrs. Numan. The Lurpa."
"But I - what is the-"
"It's similar to the Lerpa depicted in Pony's drawing, Mrs. Numan. Only bigger and better."
"Oh...! Well...! Well, that's different! I wish you'd - why, that's wonderful! Did you hear that, Gerald?"
"Yes, dear. A big, bouncing, baby the Lurpa. Like the Lerpa but bigger and better. They said it jumps higher, too!"
"And here it is now, Mrs. Numan!"
"Ooooooh!!! I love it so much!! Look at its spindly little arms, Gerald!"
"Yes, how about that, dear!"
"It smiled!"
"Congratulations, Mrs. Numan!"
"It moved its foot an infinitesimal amount!" Gerald, did you see?
"It sure did, hon. It sure did!"
"Etc!"
Date Written: March 30, 2004
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 3.8889
Comments:
04/6/2004 John Slocum (3): Wow! 2 shorts on the same day ending in 'Etc.' Am I wrong that Matza did that first (see 'I've been varying my workouts a lot lately.')? [can someone tell me how to insert a link to another short in a comment?] Didn't laugh out loud at this short, but like the rigor of all action described through dialogue.
04/6/2004 Craig Lewis (2):
04/6/2004 Mr. Pony (5): That's so stupid on so many levels. Like, this raises the bar for stupid.
04/6/2004 qualcomm (4):
04/6/2004 John Slocum: The Lerpa: Why so taciturn?
04/6/2004 qualcomm: i'unno, maybe because i'm busy re-LinkPic'ing about thirty excel graphs from a previously corrupted file into a hairy little document from the GIG group? try?
04/6/2004 John Slocum: Aaaaahh, I see.
04/6/2004 mr.coffee: sounds like the deadest of dead end jobs Lerp!
04/6/2004 qualcomm: careers are homo
04/6/2004 Mr. Pony: (): My GOD this short is stupid! I can't stop reading it. The damned thing makes me giddy, it's so stupid. I love it. I love it so much. Not just because it links to the drawing of the Lerpa, although that doesn't hurt. It's just so stupid!
04/6/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (3): Wow. Lerpa themed story that relates to the drawing of the Lerpa by Pony. Hmmn. Great.
04/6/2004 Mr. Pony: Yeah, Ferucio. You just can't seem to catch a break.
04/6/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: It's funny how the "etc" is so much more successful in this short than in the one by Cabot. Any one care to postulate on why that is?
04/6/2004 anonymous: If there even one little pony out there in cyberspace somewhere who appreciates the stupidity of this short, then I haven't wasted my time. This short is for that one little pony.
04/6/2004 Mr. Pony: That little pony is me! Yaaay!
04/6/2004 catfish (4): does one need to capitalize the letter T in the The Lerpa? just checking...
04/6/2004 qualcomm: yes
04/6/2004 scoop: Hey look everyone, it's catfish again! Howdy catfish! What adventures have you been in today?
04/6/2004 Mr. Pony: You greedy bastard--first you demand the definite article, and now you want it capitalized as well? What's next, morning blowjobs?
04/6/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: mmm-morning blowjobs
04/7/2004 Mr. Pony: Ha ha this short is still funny.
04/7/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: For some reason this short makes me think of that Negativeland song "Yellow Black and Rectangular" I think I just hear the dialogue in those voices.
04/7/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (5):
04/7/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): Pony's right. This short is gay, in the older definition of the word.
08/3/2004 TheBuyer (5): Ha!
05/19/2005 Mr. Pony: Now that I am a father I think this short is even more awesome. When all of you are fathers as well then you will understand and think that it is that much more awesome, I promise you, all of you.
05/19/2005 anonymous: Don't make promises we can't keep. (I have E.D., etc.)
05/19/2005 Mr. Pony: A skilled penistician can cum whilst flaccid. Don't give up.