AcmeShorts

Joe was swinging around the trees in the alley behind Rivington Street. He was swinging from branch to branch, high up off the ground. He leapt to a fire escape and then onto the roof. Facing skywards, he pounded his chest.

Later that evening, there were drunk people stumbling around Orchard Street. Joe watched them from up over Bereket.

A pretzel vendor was parked just past Ludlow Street. Joe leapt across the street and grabbed onto the chain link fence around the parking lot. The pretzel vendor looked up at him. Joe jumped down, grabbed a pretzel, jumped back up onto the fence and then back across the street. He was on top of Katz’s. He was running across the rooftops in the darkness.

“Pretzel,” he thought to himself.
Date Written: April 11, 2004
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4.1538
Comments:
04/15/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (5): Pure gold.
04/15/2004 Mr. Pony (5): I agree. This short is the real thing.
04/15/2004 qualcomm (4): monkeys can't "think." thinking is what we humans do.
04/15/2004 scoop (4): "Pretzel" is monkey for "Freedom."
04/15/2004 Mr. Pony: Joe's a monkey?
04/15/2004 Jon Matza (5): This vote comes from my heart, not my brain.
04/15/2004 Will Disney: yay for Joe!
04/15/2004 mr.coffee (5): fantastic
04/15/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): I know you all to be observant, bright people, so I assume you're just hanging out in a room together taking bingers off a 6 foot graphics.
04/15/2004 qualcomm: grafix, asshole.
04/15/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: What is "bingers"?
04/15/2004 Ewan Snow: Ha!
04/15/2004 Mr. Pony: Come on, Benny! You can't tell me this didn't pull at your mammalian heart!
04/15/2004 John Slocum (4): an enjoyable read, more fun than funny, but who doesn't want to have fun?
04/15/2004 Dylan Danko (5):
04/15/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (3): I'm with Benny. And I'm gonna get a t-shirt that says so.
04/15/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Although, the last line does appeal to my mammalian heart.
04/15/2004 Cabot (2): Not to be too harsh on this. But I liked 'Legend of Greystoke' better. 2.5.
04/15/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Yet again, I agree with Slocum. This wasn't really that funny, but nonetheless sort of amusing.
04/16/2004 Mr. Pony: I gotta say, I think this is one of Disney's finest moments, along with his Lover's Quarrel Tournament Short. He's really hit on something deep here, something real. Go Disney go!
04/16/2004 Will Disney: thanks, pony!
04/16/2004 Maxwell Demon (5): Passing by Bereket last night, I kept an eye out for Joe.
04/16/2004 qualcomm: disney's lover's quarrel short sucked. and i don't want to hear another word about it.
04/16/2004 Mr. Pony: I don't think anything more needs to be said.
04/16/2004 Ewan Snow: Except maybe...
04/16/2004 Will Disney: that was a good one.
04/16/2004 qualcomm: i stand by my words, as true as Rearden Metal.
04/16/2004 Ewan Snow: Which words? Here or on the message board?
04/16/2004 qualcomm: both.
04/16/2004 Ewan Snow: I figured you'd say that...
04/16/2004 qualcomm: welp, you should have indicated as much with white text.
04/16/2004 Mr. Pony: What did I just say? Both of you need to learn to listen.
04/16/2004 qualcomm: and you need to read John Galt's 90-page radio address to the nation.
04/16/2004 Mr. Pony: Listening...
04/16/2004 Mr. Pony: When I'm through absorbing this, I'm going to ask you why you suggested I read it. You can start preparing your answer now, if you like.
04/16/2004 Ewan Snow: Ha! Are you really reading it, Pony? Don't bother. Just get yourself a nice union job and stop worrying.
04/16/2004 Dylan Danko: Or just join this
04/16/2004 Mr. Pony: Say, the Lerpa, why did you suggest that I read that?
04/16/2004 Dylan Danko: coz your a commie, i think.
04/16/2004 qualcomm: precisely.
04/16/2004 Mr. Pony: What do you mean by "commie"?
04/16/2004 Mr. Pony: 'Cause I get this feeling you're not talking about the re-distribution of wealth.
04/16/2004 Mr. Pony: ...
04/17/2004 Mr. Pony: Doop dee doo.
04/17/2004 Mr. Pony: La la la
04/17/2004 Mr. Pony: Dum dee dum
04/18/2004 Jon Matza: Hey Pony, I haven't heard that pinko chant since the Berlin Wall came down.
04/18/2004 Mr. Pony: Mmm? Whaa--Whaa? Must've fallen asleep. Where's the Lerpa?
04/19/2004 Mr. Pony: He's not coming back, is he?
04/19/2004 Dylan Danko: The Lerpa nevers "comes back."
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Lerpa, I can't wait for you or your answer any longer. I consider your point defaulted. I'm closing this browser window.
10/21/2004 qualcomm: i can't find the message where i originally called you commie. where is it?
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: I think this might be the thread. It's still too late, though. Don't be chasing.
10/21/2004 qualcomm: so lemme get this straight: you're not sure why i called you a commie after you make this comment about "collective bargaining"?
10/21/2004 qualcomm: and this idea about changing your vote to reflect changes in public opinion is downright soviet.
10/21/2004 Ewan Snow: Actually, in the Soviet Union, policy changes were rarely made based on public opinion. That sort of behavior is more associated with the democratic process. Mulp.
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: I think Summer's mistake has to do with the word "collective", Ewan. Oddly enough, he thought it had to do more with some sort of communal farm than the sort of compromise I was actually referring to. It's cute, really; to see his thought process laid so bare!
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Also, when I said "opinion" in my post, that was a sort of shorthand for "one's own opinion", and not another way to say "public opinion". I'm really not sure where that particular leap came from.
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: It's neat to learn that all of Summer's criticisms of me over the past several months have all been based on a couple of weird misunderstandings and false assumptions on his part!
10/21/2004 qualcomm: "collective bargaining" is what unions, the gateway drug to socialism, use, pony. did you not know that, or were you making a dishonest argument? no, i'm just trying to find out if you're a liar or an ignoramus.
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: It's funny that you're still trying to hang on to your argument! Say something else!
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: I mean, it's really adorable that you thought I was talking about a farm! The cow says moo, Summer!
10/21/2004 qualcomm: oh, oh, you must be winning the argument, because your tone is cheerful. internet asshole.
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Actually, I'm winning the argument because your points are very silly! My cheery tone is a result of my winning the argument! (What does happiness have to do with the internet, by the way? I think that's silly, too!)
10/21/2004 qualcomm: no, you're wrong and i'm right!! look, i'm using more explanation points than you, so i'm winning!!! now i'll even throw in an emoticon :-)~!!!!!! i'm not emotionally invested in this at all so i'm winning, i'm winning!!! this rhetorical tactic is really doing the trick (because i'm winning)!! no what i think i'll do next? say how i'm winning again, so that it becomes true! abracadabra!
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Summer, I don't want to win this argument if it's going to hurt you or damage you in any way! It's just not worth it! I concede. I'm a big commie. I work on a collective farm. There! Please don't be sad!
10/21/2004 qualcomm: also, collective farms and collective bargaining are both derived from the same parent concept of collectivism. (for example, (taken from some damn website): "The central concept in the collectivist model in industrial relations is that of collective bargaining, through which unions, on behalf of their members, negotiate wages and employment conditions.") but you knew that already, didn't you, pony? didn't you? you filthy, commie liar.
10/21/2004 scoop: Hey OSS, is that jizz running off the chin of your emoticon?
10/21/2004 qualcomm: (and to your last comment): more transparent emotional detachment.
10/21/2004 scoop: OSS, I feel like you are emotionally detathcing from me by going way, way out of you way to avoid answering the simple question if that is jizz running off the chin of your emoticon or not?
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: You know what? I realize now that I misused the phrase "collective bargaining"! I was talking about the sort of bargaining for votes between individuals that would have happened if the system were to be put into place! (Ironically, this seems to be a very capitalist idea!) That definition you used (which is no doubt the correct one) has very little to do with what I was thinking of! And on top of that, I was sort of kidding, using a flaw in the plan to un-sell it! To be funny! Gosh! What a mistake! You had me wondering for a really long time if I didn't understand what communism meant! So, in answer to your previous question, I am an ignoramus (and therefore, all of your "you are a commie" arguments have been a great big waste of everyone's time)! Oh, if only I had concentrated on using the right phrase, instead of concentrating on using so many explanation points!
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Emoticons are super-gay, BTW.
10/21/2004 scoop: IYHO.
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: TWIM.
10/21/2004 qualcomm: you son of a bitch. you're no longer welcome in the middle room. except to save the table. but please leave after that.
10/21/2004 qualcomm: and to answer your question, scoop: wipe your screen.
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Ha ha