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“Mmm yeah,” Dagoberto muttered to himself as he glanced at the blue 1” Avery Heavy-Duty EZD View Binder with Locking Rings on page 465 of the 2004 Boise Office Supply Catalog. “That’s what I’m talking ‘bout.”

He slowly inserted his bulbous thumb into his mouth and swirled it across his tongue. A seemingly endless trail of saliva glistening under the newly installed fluorescent light fixture followed his digit as he slowly withdrew it from his oral cavity. With his freshly moistened finger, Dagoberto flipped the page.

“Aw shit baby.”

The Avery 5-Tab No Pocket Worksaver Plastic Insertable Tab Dividers practically cried out to him. Dagoberto’s glasses began to fog up as his antiperspirant caved under the torrent of sweat flowing from his armpit.

“Isn’t preparing the delivery tracking report such a drag,” chided Alfonsine from the neighboring cubicle.

"I don't know," replied Dagoberto as he secretly resolved to bash Alfonsine's skull in with the blue Swingline 767 Executive Full Strip Stapler on page 921.

Date Written: February 02, 2004
Author: Dolemite
Average Vote: 4.3

02/13/2004 anonymous (4):
02/13/2004 Will Disney (5): god, this is disgusting!
02/13/2004 Dick Vomit (4): Four stars for Alfonsine.
02/13/2004 Texxx (4): Man, too many details!
02/13/2004 Craig Lewis (5): Yessssss.
02/13/2004 Noah Simple (4): Correction: the blue Swingline 767 Executive Full Strip Stapler is on page 922. The green one is on 921. But good use of the word "bulbous".
02/13/2004 Jon Matza (4): Another strong effort by Dolemite!
02/13/2004 qualcomm (4): point off for "oral cavity".
02/13/2004 Dolemite: Would you have preferred "oral fissure" Feldspar?
02/13/2004 qualcomm: yes!
02/13/2004 Dolemite: Despite my newfound ability to edit my own shorts after they are published, I won't. So you're SOL.
02/13/2004 scoop (4): Good one.
01/20/2005 Litcube (5):