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Doe, a deer. A female deer.
…which I pray I’ll never hit with my car – not for the deer’s sake but that of my wallet slash insurance company.

Ray, a drop of golden sun
…shine on, you crazy diamond. Or sphere. Or burning mass of gasses.

Me, a name I call myself
…Port Jervis. Put that ring finger flat against the palm and hold it down with your thumb. Raise it high and cry: the shocker!

Far, a long long way to run
…marathons are for pussies.

Sew, a needle pulling thread
…textiles are a beautiful thing. There was a time, once upon one, when they were produced by women using complicated looms. Today much of it is machine-made except in foreign countries where women and children and the poor and desperate are still easily exploitable.

La, a note to follow sew
…but my favorite kinds of notes a the Cee kind. Fucking Benjamins, m’fuh.

Tea, I drink with jam and bread
…but only when I’m ill or trying to impress a woman. Otherwise, it’s pretzels and coca-cola.

That will bring us back to do...oh oh oh
…and with a ‘splurg,’ the dollop of semen shot from the tip of my penis. My eyes darted from the newest Victoria’s Secret catalog to watch my seed embrace gravity and float down onto the rim of the toilet. This pisses me off to no end because I will have to wipe it from the brim with a swatch of toilet paper. I was aiming for the water. The madness of it all. Ahhh, to be young and pre-ejaculatory again.

Date Written: February 24, 2004
Author: port jervis
Average Vote: 3.5

02/27/2004 Will Disney: i like the 'shocker'. there's something honest and unsettling about this one.
02/27/2004 Will Disney (4):
02/27/2004 Dick Vomit (4): The smells like non fiction.
02/27/2004 Texxx (4): At first I wasn't liking it too much, but somehow the 'climax' convinced me otherwise. Plus, I like some of the bitter truths.
02/27/2004 qualcomm (2): sick of shorts with the punchline, "He's masturbating!"
02/27/2004 anonymous: Thanks for the feedback. I figured I was entitled to my one masturbatory piece - seeing as it's only my second submission. Next time I'll be sure to incorporate the violence towards women theme that figures so prominently in your oeuvre, JF. Masturbation has become so rote. Let's concentrate more on rape and womanizing!
02/27/2004 Dylan Danko: Not the way i do it!
02/27/2004 Will Disney: you can't leave a comment for this? what did you try to do?

note: it shouldn't so 'from author' for port jervis' comment. i'll fix that. i've been "updating" the comment system.
02/27/2004 qualcomm: Jervis, I think you're missing my point. I'm not criticizing the subject matter of masturbation in and of itself. I'm criticizing the oft-used device of a surprise masturbation ending, as well as, to a lesser extent, the unimaginative use of masturbation, as if merely mentioning the act were funny. So, yes, you'd be better off doing a short about rape and/or womanization, since then at least you'd be aping only me, instead of about 3/4 of the writers on this site.
02/28/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: And actually this short echoes this one quite a bit, although I realize you probably posted it around the time Texxx's short was posted. Anyway, even though it's not your fault, it makes the idea seem less than fresh.