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What if they invented a force field? It’s not so much who invents the force field, I suppose, as who perfects it, mass markets it. After all, Henry Ford didn’t invent the automobile. No, he just figured out how to mass produce it. So who cares if they invent a force field? I’m still gonna be the one to perfect it. For instance, I’d make it so it could be in any shape I wanted, so, for instance, I could make it shaped like a dildo or a wang and use in porking girls with. This would apply to its colorfulness as well. I’d have the force field’s surface structure be under my total control, so that its every characteristic could be toggled on this online dashboard. And I’d make it float, so I could make it float and be red and shaped like the ghost from Pac Man. Not that that’s what I’d use it for. I’m just using that as a totally hypothetical example. I’d mostly shape the force field like a dildo or a wang.

Date Written: October 12, 2004
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 4.5

Comments:
10/18/2004 Acme Shorts: are you having problems achieving erection, author?
10/18/2004 qualcomm (5): you could also shape it like a sphere, bring some oxygen tanks inside, and go to outer space with your friends, ethan hawke and the other kid.
10/18/2004 Dylan Danko (5):
10/18/2004 Litcube (5): That movie was awesome. I pulled apart many radios thinking I could make one.
10/18/2004 TheBuyer: i'd put mine around my psyche and not dildo shaped either.
10/18/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): I just didn't feel this one. It was a little too matter of fact.
10/18/2004 Ewan Snow (5): Streifen, I think you maybe didn't get that the tone (and style) is a joke.
10/18/2004 qualcomm: author, i think you should add one sentence to the very end: "Mostly."
10/18/2004 TheBuyer (5):
10/18/2004 Mr. Pony (5): This one is pretty subtle. 4.5
10/18/2004 John Slocum (3): The tone and style are jokes, but Sloc didn't connect with them in a way that elicited laughter, that is to say, I don't think they're very funny jokes, imho, although I know I'm wrong as Ol' Somber Sausage will certainly point out. Without the laughter, what does this short leave me with? Don't quite get the 5's. Also, was this intentional or sloppy: '..and use in porking girls with.'? If so, why?
10/18/2004 anonymous: Yes, Slocum, the narrator in this short is stupid. The construction is intentionally terrible. You should be ashamed of yourself for not laughing, brother.
10/18/2004 John Slocum: The shame begins in my groin and spreads, at once, around through my glute and down my hamstring to lodge firmly in my calf muscle. There is will rest for the rest of my days, annoying me constantly like a gadfly.
10/18/2004 Jon Matza (5): That's a good idea about making it float in order to make it float like a ghost. The use of "colorfulness" was bonus, too.
10/19/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs: Honestly, it was funny, but still, too subdued for my refined tastes.
11/12/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (5): Do you mean "wang doodle?"
06/21/2005 Kenji X (4): Jesus, you can vote on your own material. WTF?
06/21/2005 Ewan Snow: But it doesn't count, dude.