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Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. The sound of the alarm woke Jess up. She looked across Brandon's chest at the clock. 6:30 am?!? Is he kidding me? Brandon lethargically lifted his arm and hit the snooze button. Within minutes he was snoring. Jess snuggled into the blankets and just as she was about to fall alseep...
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Jess shot up in bed. It's still dark out! We don't have to get up until 8. Why must he always hit the friggin snooze button? Doesn't it make sense to just sleep the extra hour and a half instead of being woken up by the devil itself every 10 minutes?
Eyes still closed Brandon slowly raised his arm and hit the snooze button. His arm came down and wrapped it tightly around Jess's waist. Ugh, normally Jess would like the afffection but not today. Not this particular morning.
Ten minutes later like clockwork the alarm goes off. Brandon slowly raises his arm and is too sleepy to notice that Jess quietly slipped out of bed. He hits the snooze bar and goes back to sleep. All of a sudden wham! Brandon feels a warm liquid on his face, neck and chest. Jess pulls her shirt over her head and starts putting on her shoes as Brandon realizes Jess just threw a cup of piss all over him.
“Brandon,” Jess calmly says. “It’s over. Not only do I hate it when you hit the snooze button but you are a shitty intern. Goodbye. See you at work.”
Date Written: February 01, 2005
Author: Jawbreaker
Average Vote: 2.1667
Comments:
02/18/2005 Dick Vomit: NINE MINUTES! EVERY NINE MINUTES
02/18/2005 The Rid: DV, I said the same thing!
02/18/2005 anonymous: DV, I said the same thing!
02/18/2005 anonymous: holy crap, DV, I ALSO just said the same thing!
02/18/2005 Jawbreaker: I don't know about you guys but I hate the fucking snooze bar. 10 minutes. 9 minutes. whatever!
02/18/2005 anonymous: Hey, anons a and b are are fucking ass holes! Shut up!
02/18/2005 anonymous: Why are you anonymous, anon_c, you fucking coward? "Shut up?" Why don't you "shut up", you towering pillar of idiocy! Quit wasting my fucking time and put your head back up your ass! God, I fucking hate you! EEEEEEEEEEH!
02/18/2005 The Rid: Wow! I hope my comment didn't spawn all this vitriol between the anons! But while I'm here, what a bag of dicks!
02/18/2005 anonymous: I don't much care for this.
02/18/2005 anonymous: Too true, anon_d. Bad show.
02/18/2005 anonymous: anon_user_d that is so typical. you premature ejaculator - you have ALWAYS been a selfish lover. This short sucks but you just HAVE to cum first, don't you? DON'T YOU?
02/18/2005 anonymous: NINE MINUTES!!! you could go down on me, you never go down on me fuckface, OH SORRY, i mean NEVER FUCKFACE EVER!!!
02/18/2005 Your Father: If you put the alarm clock on the other side of the room, then you have to get up and turn it off, and hey, while you're up you may as have a cup of coffee! See? Easy, huh?
Now this business with the pee in a cup, I don't know if that is a very good idea, especially because it makes this real nice, easy readin' short about how darned hard it is to get up in the morning into a dirty pee story for no reason other than to add some pee where there doesn't need to be any pee. Follow me? That was uncalled for pee, five yard penalty! Just kidding about the penalty, you're not getting a penalty, the pee though - that wasn't a good thing to put in the story.
02/18/2005 Dick Vomit: Gee, dudes. Alls I'm sating is that the standard snooze interval is nine minutes. That's all I'm saying.
02/18/2005 Mr. Pony: Your Father is right, and you should listen to him. I think this "Jess" really overreacted. I can see the same "issues" with this short that I do with the morning guest short. They both bear strong resemblances to, what, anyone? To puppet shows, put on by a crazy person. Now, I'm not saying that these little stories have to be realistic, but I think they have to be, at the very least, convincing. As interesting exercise, compare and contrast these two to the short currently on the home page. Think about the difference between Author and Narrator, and what it means to draw undue attention to one or the other. Explore the phrase proportional response. Ponder the difference between madcap and confusing. Ask yourselves if there is such a thing as Human Nature, and if so, whether or not it's possible to overcome it. I'd like you to split up into your groups, and discuss.
02/18/2005 Dick Vomit: ADVICE: Listen to some Lightning Bolt until you start going batshit like a mental patient on PCP. Irrespective of anything, that is my advice. To everyone.
02/18/2005 anonymous: Where's the votes, fuckers?
02/18/2005 qualcomm (2):
02/18/2005 Litcube (2): I think Pony hit the nail on the head, here. This, perhaps, explains the correlation of an empty stomach gurgling sensation I’ve been feeling lately, and the recent influx of new guest author(s). Awéthör, if you are who I think you are, I believe you’re capable of greater things.
02/18/2005 anonymous: Litcube, who do you think I am?
02/18/2005 TheBuyer (2): Litcube, I'm glad that you're getting over the "Mr. Pony Incedent", the tension around here was so thick it had a smell. Your Father is right, Mr. Pony is more right (I know that because I did his homework assignment, also I got felt up but not by him by someone else, it was cool) - seriously though, pee?
02/18/2005 The Rid (3): Maybe it's all over the place, but I know how the author feels about the snooze button.
02/18/2005 Benny Maniacs (2): There's a vote.
02/18/2005 Benny Maniacs: Too prescious about too little.
02/18/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (2): Not particularly interesting.